warning, extreme caution: it's raining men.

when you're a key socialite on capitol hill, you have eyes and ears all over the city. a proletariat we know, alex, alerted us that former bachelor juan pablo was at the nats game tonight. convenient timing, juan pablo, because these interns just started getting to know you last night after the bachelorette when we decided to youtube old videos of andi on the bachelor to help fuel our burning fire of hate for her. fyi, we hate you too, juan pablo. and we also hate clare.

breathtaking image kathryn captured
of nats stadium tonite

this photo was taken on the way home from kathryn's guitar lessons, which were taught by kathryn's new love interest.

facts about the teacher:

name: kevin.

age: 28.

musical background: started playing sax (sex? what?) (~jazzy~) at the age of 10, plays bass in a band.

attributes: sensitive and funny.

marital status: no wedding ring (single? gay? engaged? in love with kathryn?)

religion: foreign symbol on ugly black guitar (hindu?). (BREAKING: found his website, he mentions catholicism).

languages spoken: english, spanish (he is probably latino).

shoes: kathryn liked them, but his laces were untied.

siblings: phil, 4 years older.

social media presence: talked about tweeting things. (BREAKING: we just found his twitter)

shirt color: green.

hair color: brown.

shirt color + hair color mixed together hypothetically: diarrhea brown/green

flirtiest things he said to kathryn: "kathryn, right?" "how's your E sounding?"

here's kevin performing live with his filthy whore lisa.

sounds like they're pretty in tune with each other. let's hope kathryn's not naughty at guitar lessons next week, or the sexi teacher may have to punish her after class ;)

other men

• ron, an old man who kathryn sat next to at the library. he told her she was a fast typer. ;)
• bowlmor employee, an ugly young man who talked to katie a lot while she was bowling with clients from her internship. she spent $100 on table service (#fergalicious).

katie after talking to the bowlmor employee.
*foxy* *foxayyy*

• young male client at madeline's internship. madeline climbed into her client's new "big boy bed" today at work--just for a fleeting moment to retrieve a... "toy"... he may or may not have accidentally dropped--she'll do anything to get ahead on the job.

ugh. we can't even escape boiz when we're not clubbing (just like fergie).

we're feelin' tastyy tastyyyyyy...

this video sparked debate among the interns because of its potentially contradictory (?) (or not contradictory?!?) cake-dancer imagery and women's empowerment lyrics ("I can't be treated like clientele."). we'd like to start a discussion in the comments section below (anyone can comment! no blogger account needed!) on what you think. feel free to mention how our blog empowers you or the women in your life!

everyone double tap our club drugs flipagram on insta.

a fun group of pills.

"this is a great, fun group of pills. we're gonna have a lot of fun." -andi dorfman

our readers selected "club drugs" by a landslide.
twice as many people voted for clubs drugs as hookups.
numbers don't lie.

based on our poll about what our viewers would like to see more of, it has become pretty OBVIOUS that you don't appreciate when we go clubbing, you're just using us for our posts about recreational drug use, hookups, and oatmeal creme pies. you know what? fine. here's what you wanted.

tonight we stayed in, despite our plans to hit the town, and watched tonight's episode of the bachelorette while eating pizza and recreationally using prescription drugs. there. are you happy? 

♫ *untz* *untz* *untz* *untz* ♫

after loading up, we began research on andi dorfman's record of cases she has presided over as assistant for the fulton country district attorney. we came across an... interesting... case (found here) where she prosecuted an innocent man and had him sentenced to life without parole because he was black. s/o to marquel for addressing race on the bachelorette (found here). so yeah, we still hate you, andi.

"i hope andi and nick v end up together and go paragliding with broken parachutes." 

-ancient chinese proverb.

(btw, we just learned that andi went to wake for law school. interesting...)

also, if you even care, 

we found kathryn like this. madeline thought it was just like any other afternoon. she thought kathryn was off somewhere in the range rover. but when she walked into the bedroom, she found kathryn lying motionless on the cot. kathryn hadn't slept in the normal bed because someone peed in the bed, and we haven't put the clean sheets back on yet. madeline didn't think it would be a big deal. she didn't know it would change everything. but kathryn didn't make it.

are you okay, kathryn? keep reading to find out.

to her career fair. she napped instead. and then we got whole foods. THERE!! are you happy?!?! just like you voted for in the poll!!! how does it feel?!? is it everything you hoped it would be? and while madeline was photographing kathryn's nap, she fell almost one and a half feet from the bed she was standing on. 

ouch! please pray for madeline.

fyi: katie got dinner tonite with a friend who works for International Justice Mission. we in no way want to trivialize human trafficking in our "red lite district of columbia" post. 

just human sex trafficking. 

just kidding. 

it's serious.

red lite district of columbia.

bom dia!

today is monday.

on the capitol hills, mondays mean a little work... and a lot of play ;) but a night out on the town is no longer just fun and games when sex traffickers, coke whores, and gingerale get involved. read below for the lowdown on a typical monday in DC.

so far today, katie has been at her internship (her youngest client enlightened her on the facts that she's not pretty enough to be on the bachelorette and all brunettes are ugly, then licked the dog for two minutes), kathryn slept through five alarms and showed up to her internship two hours late ("type louder, type louder, pretend they can't see you."), and madeline has lurked in the basement eating doughnuts and blogging (her boss and primary client at the firm took a long weekend trip to boston, #glamorous, so she has the day off).

as amazing as our internships are, these socialites just can't wait for the sun to go down on a monday night. why? the bachelorette, you say? we do luuvvvv the bachelorette (but we hate you, andi), but WRONG WRONG WRONG! we watch it later on hulu plus because we actually have lives. we make important appearances at local clubs and parties on monday nights.

i don't know what we'll get into tonight, but here's a little glimpse into what we did two mondays ago...if y'all CARE... ugh...

we were...

• almost sex trafficked by a band of irishmen. (literally!) (literally about them being a cover band of irishmen. not literally about being almost sex trafficked). check out this video of them serenading us at the bar.

• almost sex trafficked by african friends mo and redda. (one stopped us on the street to find out where he could buy food late at night, then followed us to our favorite monday nite party spot anyways, where his friend "happened" to be loitering by our private table... boys will be boys)
• asked by a young man to babysit his beer while he stepped out for a minute...you could almost call this important job an internship.

  

  beer internship guy.

• almost sex trafficked by two elderly businessmen, one of whom was nice and the other who asked us where to buy coke [the drug, not the beverage. even if he did want to know about the drink, we drink fresca, not coke, BUDDY! (see our poll on the right sidebar of this page!)] but we don't blame him because he was from south florida, and kathryn brought it up first.

the nice businessman. not into coke.

• played solitaire on the tablets (duh). 
• madeline almost burned her arm on a candle during the interns' tablet mirror pics. (ouch!)

  

  madeline and a candle (bottom center).



kathryn (right) and her tablet (left).   

two

• the beer internship guy made a reappearance when he got into a fist fight with the coke whore over the invaluable chance to buy kathryn a gingerale (somebody called somebody a motherf***er... the coke whore was kicked out... kathryn never got her FRICKIN gingerale).

  

  beer internship guy talking to bar owner after fight.

• if that spontaneous violent outburst wasn't enough of an emotional roller coaster for the night, madeline dropped her tablet under the table and had to crawl under there to get it. luckily it was found unharmed. 
• everyone kept staring at us and getting involved when we were just trying to enjoy our bottle service at our private table... #socialiteprobz.
• two nice men asked us what we "do" in DC, so we laboured to explain to them our busy careers as talent scouts in the melbourne (AUS) and DC areas. ("we go out to clubs on monday nights and keep our eyes peeled for potential models/actors/musicians to sign.") we struggled not to fall into our australian accents because we spend so much time in melbourne. speaking in our affected american accents made us giggle, leading the men to suspect that we were weaving a web of lies about our high status roles in the entertainment industry.

• we finally yanked ourselves away from our adoring fans at the club in order to drive home (private car), but on the way we stopped to be humanitarians. katie fell in love with a law student called "D" as they struggled together to get a bleeding, sleeping young man home safely. (D got her number, they exchanged a few texts afterwards, but he didn't want to come volunteer at Write Night with us because he's very busy studying for the BAR. whatever.) (pretty believable excuse, though, because D wasn't even out partying on a monday night! he was on a late night run. he clearly sacrifices his social life a lot).

"D" handing water to the bleeding man.

so... yeah.

from a cocaine blood bath to finding true love on the side of the road, this night went from scary to scared-how-powerful-love-can-feel.

here's hoping this monday night holds as much... well... awesomeness as the last one.

"This is a really fun group, and I'm just... excited... I think we're gonna have a lot of fun. Let's just.... have some FUN... here's to a fun night." -andi dorfman.

we are interns.

we are strategic thinkers and determined young professionals with a skill set in watching The Bachelorette (we hate you, Andi), gorging on mint chocolate chip ice cream and Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and hiding from our host families in the basement.

scroll down to get to know us a little better.

madeline spends her days on The Hill interning with a 2 1/2 year old boy who naps for the majority of the afternoon while she lies on the couch downstairs swiping left on Tinder. when he's awake they play trains, play cars, or watch Cars 2 on the DVR.

"I really have learned SO much about the different parts of a train." -madeline.

katie interns with four delightful kids who refer to her as their slave only on occasion. she actually lives in the basement of her prestigious firm, where the kids rifle through her things when she leaves home. this internship has allowed her to hone valuable skills in preparing bagel bites, walking the dog, and fetching young boys from their naked mother's bed each morning.

"They really are sooo awful." -katie.

kathryn actually has a real internship (boring) where she makes less per hour than madeline and katie do at their distinguished internships. in between converting word documents to PDFs and those PDFs back into word docs, she google searches new jobs (,,,WHAT?!?!......she's gotta be prepared!!!). she sits in a windowless room where people forget about her ("type louder, type louder, pretend that they don't see you.").

"It's like, not a bad internship at all." -kathryn.

maxie interns in wildlife preservation. she carefully observes and "interacts with" songbirds and small mammals in Bethesda. every once in a while we catch her hauling a live chipmunk around in her mouth. but she's really a soft snuggle wuggle bayybbeeee.

"Meow." -maxie.










this summer we will cultivate strong time management skills as we balance our demanding and highly sought-after internships with our hectic clubbing, partying, and dating schedules as DC socialites. follow our journey right here, and keep updated through instagram (@thecapitolhills) or even facebook.