out clubbing...

...will blog soon

the lorde's prayer.

you've probably noticed fewer blog posts recently. we've been totally absorbed with laying down tracks in the studio for our first hit single, "tennis court." it's a completely original song created by compiling excerpts from our journal entries over the last few weeks. it's all about our internships and relationships with the insipid zombies who surround us. yesterday we filmed this innovative music video for our platinum hit single. we hope you enjoy it. thank you to everyone at mtv for your continued support both financially and creatively.

feel free to download this video for offline viewing on-the-go (helpful hint: watch it on repeat in your private helicopter as you jet off to santorini--our favorite casual weekend getaway) OR share it on all your social media accounts.

BREAKING: we just unearthed a video uploaded a year ago of an imitator recreating our video (with inferior visual effects and sound quality). we will be confronting this "artist" immediately, and mtv will be seeking legal action.

pathetic camera resolution and lighting

dying to be exactly like us?

is that you, tilda swinton?

revlon super lustrous lipstick creme in black cherry (color 477). put on your lips.

revlon photoready airbrush mousse makeup in vanilla (color 010). generously coat face and neck for ghostly white complexion.

covergirl under eye concealer in light (color 710). smother over eyebrows and
top/bottom lashes to make them completely disappear (gorgeous!).

do you think madeline looks bang-able with this new look? would you tap that? tell us in the comments section. remember, we want to use this space to celebrate women's empowerment.

did you recreate the look at home? instagram your photos and tag @thecapitolhills.

red, white, and cumin

the fourth of july is the one day in the year tourists from all over the country storm the streets of Capitol Hill. as kevin (read about him here) sings in his second best song, "my city, my city, my home." as d.c. socialites, we daringly braved a night on the town, despite fears of encountering the paparazzi and our obsessive, violent fans.

mtv kept us in the studio late working on our title sequence (coming soon, but we'll include a sneak preview for our readers below), so we missed the fireworks viewing from our friends' rooftop soiree. when we got there, we stood in a corner of the rooftop deck, the potomac river breeze blowing through our hair, singing "all by myself..." quietly to ourselves. (what? nobody was talking to us. they weren't very pleased about the mtv camera crew following us everywhere)

sneak peak at our new title sequence we're working on with mtv.

then we did club drugs.

snorting cumin. please do not try this at home
(unless you want to be exactly like us).

cumin is one of the hottest club drugs on The Hill rite now. it was laced with a few other spices for an extra kick. in true d.c. style, madeline used her smarttrip to split lines for all the interns.

once we were loaded up like amy winehouse, we hit the clubs, obviously.

livin' at tropicalia with my bitches. 

kisses for katie from an adoring fan.

fans everywhere.

we soon grew fatigued by the normalcy of all those around us, their simple pleasures and vapid babblings.

"don't you think that it's boring how people talk

making smart with their words again, well, i'm bored."

-lorde

so we went home to blog. happy fourth of july.

feelin' pie-triotic.

and i'm proud to be an american, where our oatmeal pies have creme,

and i won't forget the men who pied and gave that right to me.

oatmeal creme pies are a classic 4th of july treat! perfect for the grill and topped with all the fixins! check out our fun oatmeal creme pies recipe, passed down for generations in our family, so you know it's special.

Ingredients:

Corn Syrup, Enriched Bleached Flour (Wheat Flour, Barley Malt, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Vegetable Shortening (Partially Hydrogenated Soybean And Cottonseed Oils), Sugar, Oats, Water, Dextrose, Molasses, Raisins, Contains 2% Or Less Of Each Of The Following: Leavening (Baking Soda, Ammonium Bicarbonate), Whey (Milk), Salt, Emulsifiers (Soy Lecithin, Mono- And Diglycerides, Sorbitan Monostearate, Polysorbate 60), Corn Starch, Eggs, Egg Whites, Cocoa, Coconut (Sulfite Treated To Preserve Color), Evaporated Apples (Sulfite Treated To Preserve Color), Rice Flour, Nonfat Dry Milk, Carrageenan, Colors (Caramel Color, Yellow 5, Red 40), Sorbic Acid (To Retain Freshness), Spices, Natural And Artificial Flavors.

Directions: 

1. drive to safeway/giant/your nearest grocery store.

2. purchase little debbie oatmeal creme pies (12 count).

3. open box.

4. dump all oatmeal creme pies onto table/flat raised surface lavishly.

5. pick up the oatmeal creme pies that fell on the ground. put them back on the table.

6. throw oatmeal creme pies into the air, laughing glamorously at your feast. (optional)

7. repeat step 5. 

8. open at least four plastic-wrapped pies per person and gorge! gorge! gorge!

comment below if you've tried this out. and tell us if you think we're good at writing recipes!

also comment if you want to thank us for being so responsive to the requests of our readers!

you spoke. we listened.

keep voting in all our polls to continue making your voice heard! every vote counts!

Wow. See What Interns Did On An Incredibly Wild Night Out Of The Office. I Couldn't Believe My Eyes When I Saw Number 5.

so... we were pretty BAD last night... after our casual photoshoot for branding purposes, bidness, etc. (our manager is making us post these pics, they aren't even that cool... are they? tell us in the comments section!), we went out to our favorite weeknight hotspot, The Irish Pub in georgetown. there, the band flirted obsessively with us, two of the interns almost made out... with each other, and we witnessed a scandalous encounter between a paid escort and her "client." (ahhh... clients... we know all about those. #internprobs). keep reading after our lackluster branding pics to find out what happened at the bar!

helpful hint: worship us on social media by making one of these images your profile pic, cover photo, ig avatar, or twitpic! these stunning photos also make the perfect wall art for your apartment, office, or dark, cold basement! 

ugh those pics aren't even that gorgeous... our manager is so embarrassing. so anyways, within moments of stepping into The Irish Pub and being seated at our usual private table in the back, we could definitely tell the amazing live band was oggling us. predictably, the lead singer, dave, soon began taunting us over the mic,

dave: "what about these three beautiful girls in the back? where you guys from?" 

[omg... it's so hard for us to lay low around here. even at a private back table...] as much as we hate talking/thinking/blogging about ourselves, kathryn figured she'd volunteer a little info about us, just this once, out of pity.

kathryn: "north carolina!"

the band's response:

dave: "oh yeah! how 'bout a song? any you guys singers?"

we didn't respond.

dave: "maybe a few drinks later!"

yes... maybe a few glasses of water later. um hello? no. try a couple bottles of prescription club drugs later.

within minutes, a second shoutout. this time accusing us of being from south carolina... then they dedicated a song to us that we didn't recognize. whatever. besides, we were too busy coming to the realization that the woman who had been sitting at the table next to us, alone, texting, for the last 20 minutes, was a paid escort!!!!!! a hideous man with a goatee and bright orange short sleeve button down appeared out of nowhere, sat down next to her, and started touching her (we're talking one hand in woman's hair, the other under her skirt). ordinarily, it would seem this man was her bf and they had just texted and met up, but it was crystal clear to these astute interns that was not the case. the woman had fake boobs, lots of makeup, and seemed really quiet and unfriendly to the man... it all lined up perfectly with the abc series mistresses about paid escorts, which we've obviously watched because it comes on right after the bachelorette (we hate you, andi). the couple left the bar after a quick five minute fondling-and-whispering sesh (maybe because they had to go do sinful things together, maybe because they could tell we were photographing them, either one), but you lucky ducky readers have the privilege of viewing limited edition, collectors' footage of the pair during their brief bar appearance, thanks to us.

"accidental" snapshot taken while "katie tried to reach her
husband, john, on the phone." we are SO bad.

after recovering from that startling liaison, let's just say we... may have let the band's performance of "country roads, take me home" take us a little too close to home. as kathryn and madeline swayed back and forth to the melody, wrapping their arms around each other's shoulders, stroking one another's face and hair, pulling closer... and closer... together... sweat beginning to drip down their soft, supple skin... they almost made out with each other!!! (what? we're only 310 miles from west virgina!)

ugh as if we don't already have enough attention from every guy in the room... of course now the band was even more obsessed with us than before. they dedicated their next track to us, which they announced was their parents', grandparents', and sisters' first dance songs at their weddings (all of theirs!). awwww.

well it turned out to be a cruel, sick joke because the song was "hit me baby one more time." unless your grandparents got married in 1999, we know you're lying. nice try, boiz.

their final desperate attempt to score with our irresistible bodies and our stimulating minds: "oh, we lost some mysterious object under the table next to you! better go look for it." we foiled their plan by LEAVING (uh buh bye). we have way more important things to do than talk to friendly and talented musicians at 12:30 on a wednesday night. then we went to mcdonald's.

all in all, it was a fun and sexy night, except that we hate getting so much positive attention.

remember to comment below if you think our photoshoot pics are gorgeous, and perhaps include what makes us irresistible to you!

"irresistible" by jessica simpson

"irresistible" by one direction

sims 3 version of "irresistible" by one direction

omg! one direction stole jessica simpson's song word-for-word. who do you think sang it better?

warning, extreme caution: it's raining men.

when you're a key socialite on capitol hill, you have eyes and ears all over the city. a proletariat we know, alex, alerted us that former bachelor juan pablo was at the nats game tonight. convenient timing, juan pablo, because these interns just started getting to know you last night after the bachelorette when we decided to youtube old videos of andi on the bachelor to help fuel our burning fire of hate for her. fyi, we hate you too, juan pablo. and we also hate clare.

breathtaking image kathryn captured
of nats stadium tonite

this photo was taken on the way home from kathryn's guitar lessons, which were taught by kathryn's new love interest.

facts about the teacher:

name: kevin.

age: 28.

musical background: started playing sax (sex? what?) (~jazzy~) at the age of 10, plays bass in a band.

attributes: sensitive and funny.

marital status: no wedding ring (single? gay? engaged? in love with kathryn?)

religion: foreign symbol on ugly black guitar (hindu?). (BREAKING: found his website, he mentions catholicism).

languages spoken: english, spanish (he is probably latino).

shoes: kathryn liked them, but his laces were untied.

siblings: phil, 4 years older.

social media presence: talked about tweeting things. (BREAKING: we just found his twitter)

shirt color: green.

hair color: brown.

shirt color + hair color mixed together hypothetically: diarrhea brown/green

flirtiest things he said to kathryn: "kathryn, right?" "how's your E sounding?"

here's kevin performing live with his filthy whore lisa.

sounds like they're pretty in tune with each other. let's hope kathryn's not naughty at guitar lessons next week, or the sexi teacher may have to punish her after class ;)

other men

• ron, an old man who kathryn sat next to at the library. he told her she was a fast typer. ;)
• bowlmor employee, an ugly young man who talked to katie a lot while she was bowling with clients from her internship. she spent $100 on table service (#fergalicious).

katie after talking to the bowlmor employee.
*foxy* *foxayyy*

• young male client at madeline's internship. madeline climbed into her client's new "big boy bed" today at work--just for a fleeting moment to retrieve a... "toy"... he may or may not have accidentally dropped--she'll do anything to get ahead on the job.

ugh. we can't even escape boiz when we're not clubbing (just like fergie).

we're feelin' tastyy tastyyyyyy...

this video sparked debate among the interns because of its potentially contradictory (?) (or not contradictory?!?) cake-dancer imagery and women's empowerment lyrics ("I can't be treated like clientele."). we'd like to start a discussion in the comments section below (anyone can comment! no blogger account needed!) on what you think. feel free to mention how our blog empowers you or the women in your life!

everyone double tap our club drugs flipagram on insta.

a fun group of pills.

"this is a great, fun group of pills. we're gonna have a lot of fun." -andi dorfman

our readers selected "club drugs" by a landslide.
twice as many people voted for clubs drugs as hookups.
numbers don't lie.

based on our poll about what our viewers would like to see more of, it has become pretty OBVIOUS that you don't appreciate when we go clubbing, you're just using us for our posts about recreational drug use, hookups, and oatmeal creme pies. you know what? fine. here's what you wanted.

tonight we stayed in, despite our plans to hit the town, and watched tonight's episode of the bachelorette while eating pizza and recreationally using prescription drugs. there. are you happy? 

♫ *untz* *untz* *untz* *untz* ♫

after loading up, we began research on andi dorfman's record of cases she has presided over as assistant for the fulton country district attorney. we came across an... interesting... case (found here) where she prosecuted an innocent man and had him sentenced to life without parole because he was black. s/o to marquel for addressing race on the bachelorette (found here). so yeah, we still hate you, andi.

"i hope andi and nick v end up together and go paragliding with broken parachutes." 

-ancient chinese proverb.

(btw, we just learned that andi went to wake for law school. interesting...)

also, if you even care, 

we found kathryn like this. madeline thought it was just like any other afternoon. she thought kathryn was off somewhere in the range rover. but when she walked into the bedroom, she found kathryn lying motionless on the cot. kathryn hadn't slept in the normal bed because someone peed in the bed, and we haven't put the clean sheets back on yet. madeline didn't think it would be a big deal. she didn't know it would change everything. but kathryn didn't make it.

are you okay, kathryn? keep reading to find out.

to her career fair. she napped instead. and then we got whole foods. THERE!! are you happy?!?! just like you voted for in the poll!!! how does it feel?!? is it everything you hoped it would be? and while madeline was photographing kathryn's nap, she fell almost one and a half feet from the bed she was standing on. 

ouch! please pray for madeline.

fyi: katie got dinner tonite with a friend who works for International Justice Mission. we in no way want to trivialize human trafficking in our "red lite district of columbia" post. 

just human sex trafficking. 

just kidding. 

it's serious.